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When it comes to sex and love, how do you fit in? Are you...ahem, normal? Do you conform to the type, standard or pattern, the way MOST people do? In the bedroom--and elsewhere where we copulate--we're both entirely predictable and utterly surprising.
*Would you try to conceive without your partner's consent if you wanted a baby?
*What's sexier: suits, slacks, or jeans?
*Do you slant to the right or left when kissing?
*Have you ever lied to get a date?
Marketing guru Bernice Kanner has spent many years researching how Americans love and lust to give us the statistics to satisfy our every curiosity. People talk about sex a lot--a worry about it even more. So pull up a chair and see how you compare...
- Sales Rank: #2637646 in eBooks
- Published on: 2004-01-15
- Released on: 2004-01-15
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review
"As Bernice Kanner's book remarkably reveals we're the most confounding, most fascinating creatures on earth (or 78% of us are anyway.) A statistical delight."
About the Author
Bernice Kanner is an author and marketing expert with an unerring pulse on American consumers. Since 1994 she has been associated with Bloomberg News as a columnist for radio, TV, and print and as a marketing advisor and new product developer. She lives in New York City.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Are You Normal About Sex, Love, and Relationships?
1The Big PictureIS ALL FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR?Perhaps because it's been wormed into us as an indisputable truth, four out of five people accept this cliché as the way of the world. But the rest wonder if this isn't really asking whether the end justifies the means.
IS IT MORE IMPORTANT TO FOLLOW YOUR HEAD OR YOUR HEART?Emotion triumphs over logic. When it comes to choosing a partner, men and women believe that the road to happiness is built more on following their hearts (58 percent) than their heads (41 percent). Sixty-seven percent of women consider themselves romantic, as do the majority of eighteen- to twenty-four-year-olds of both sexes (72 percent vs. 54 percent of those over sixty-five).
WHAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY IN A S.O. (SIGNIFICANT OTHER)?Doctor, lawyer, Indian chief ... hardly matters is our belief. For 47 percent, emotional warmth and nurturing are the critical characteristics. For 23 percent, it's a sense of humor. Eighteen percent say their partners must be intelligent and 6 percent say they must have confidence and power. For 4 percent, physical appearance counts the most and 2 percent admit that love can follow money.
DEPENDABILITY OR PASSION?Eight percent refuse to consider one without the other, insisting that both qualities are essential. But 57 percent say a considerate, dependable partner is more important in the long run than one with an unquenchable zest for life.
WHAT MAKES A MARRIAGE WORK?A sizzling sex life can cheer you up, but in the the recipe for what makes a good marriage, it's listed very low down, below trust and companionship.
DO YOU BELIEVE THAT MARRIAGE IS A LIFE-LONG COMMITMENT?It's for keeps. Some 43 percent of women and 45 percent of men--including many who are separated, divorced, or have never been married--believe it should only be ended under extreme circumstances. On the other hand, a fourth of women and 18 percent of men believe people do change and may grow apart over time and that a covenant entered into when they were young shouldn't trap them for life. Roughly a third of both men and women straddle this fence, protesting that people should try hard to save their marriages before divorcing.
WHEN IS THE IDEAL TIME TO MARRY?It may not be ideal, but it's very real. The average bride nowadays is just over twenty-four and her groom is going on twenty-seven. That's up from the 1980s when the average first-time newlyweds were twenty-two and twenty-six, respectively. This is largely because of a yearning to be financially stable before marrying.
IS IT OKAY FOR MARRIED PEOPLE TO FLIRT?Theoretically we honor fidelity, but more than half of us (56 percent) don't get our feathers ruffled when our mates strut their stuff. Most feel it adds excitement to a relationship by plucking the jealousy string.
DO YOU THINK MAKING IT HARDER TO DIVORCE WOULD IMPROVE SOCIETY?Toughening the requirements for divorce would better society, say three out of five people. But only 39 percent strongly support covenant marriages where grounds for divorce are limited to abuse or adultery. At the same time, 47 percent of young men and women say that laws should be changed to make it harder for couples to divorce. Women are likelier than men to believe this.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE SEVEN-YEAR ITCH?Get with the times. The seven-year itch, it appears, is a myth or a relic of slower-paced lives. More divorces happen in the fourth year of marriage than after any other stretch.
DO YOU THINK LOVE IS AS CRITICAL IN MARRIAGE TODAY AS IT ONCE WAS?Love still makes the world go 'round and plays the same pivotal role in marriages today that it did two decades ago, according to 47 percent of people. A third feel other considerations such as a societal fit or lust have become more important, while 16 percent say the relevance of love has grown on this scale, as women no longer marry just for economic security.
WHO IS MORE ROMANTIC: MEN OR WOMEN?Women, say 48 percent of us. One in ten choose men, while 39 percent see no gender difference. Men and women split on the issue in like proportions.
DO YOU THINK LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE BODES WELL?It may bode well for the individual, but not for the union. Those who adopted the so-called "renter's agreement" are 50 percent likelierto divorce than those who never shared an abode before. They're less committed to weather the tough times.
CAN A COUPLE STAY IN LOVE THROUGH A LONG MARRIAGE?Although love ebbs and flows, it hovers, say 91 percent of us. Fifty-nine percent believe that sooner or later the desperate passion gives way to a deeper kind of love. But 6 percent feel that after a time boredom erodes love, and then the marriage is pretty dull.
WHO IS MORE SUBMISSIVE IN MOST RELATIONSHIPS?Perhaps we're just a PC culture, or perhaps equality is still very much a relative term, but 49 percent of us see couplehood as a union of equals. A quarter of people feel women are the more submissive partner and 15 percent see the male as a milquetoast.
HOW MANY PARTNERS IS "NORMAL"?Any number is "normal" but 17 is the "average" batting average over a lifetime. Some 92 percent of sexually active folks have had ten or more partners in their lifetime. One in ten men and 4 percent of women claim they've had sex with more than 100 partners. Highly educated women seem to have had the most partners, while almost a third of all women have had only one. Closer to home, the "average" American has slept with 14.3 partners--more than the French with 13.2, Australians with 11, and Brits with 8.8 partners. For 45 percent of men and 33 percent of women there haven't been enough notches on their belts.
HAS SEX BECOME TOO SOCIALLY CAVALIER?It has, if your criteria is knowing all your partners well. Half (5l percent) of people can't recall the first and last name of every person with whom they've slept. The average Joe spends 730 hours a year musing about sex--and 22 hours a year having it. Half of us admit that at least once in our lives we've had sex with someone for whom we had no feelings.
IS SEX OVERRATED?Compared to work it is, say 62 percent of people. Only 20 percent of men say they have sex as a way to unwind after a tough day. Fifty-twopercent would rather play soccer or go to the gym. Eleven percent can even imagine going through life without ever experiencing sex--and not regretting it.
HOW ABOUT FALLING IN LOVE?Over the course of a lifetime, we fall in love, on average, six times--starting with puppy love at thirteen and then the first serious relationship four years later. One out of four of us falls in love at least ten times, with women prone to more episodes than men. In a lifetime, 12 percent of us have had at least three unrequited loves.
DO YOU THINK THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON OUT THERE FOR YOU?Nearly three out of four Americans believe there is "one true love" out there to fulfill their destiny. This belief is strongest among those married a long time, (79 percent), very recently (76 percent), or the poor.
DOES ABSENCE MAKE THE HEART GROW FONDER?Two-thirds of us (69 percent) think separation fans the flames but 31 percent figure out of sight, out of mind. Statistically, long distance relationships fail three hundred times more often than those couples who see each other daily or even weekly.
IF LOVE HAS FLED, SHOULD THE PAIR PART AND START NEW LIVES?Once again it's a cultural divide. Just over a third of Americans (35 percent) believe that if the marriage has gone asunder for lack of love, it's best to seek amour elsewhere. In contrast, 78 percent of Brazilians feel that way. The English, Indians, and Chinese are somewhere in the middle, averaging about 46 percent.
THINK SEXUAL EQUALITY HAS DAMPENED ROMANCE?Nearly half of us (49 percent) feel the movement toward equal rights and opportunities for women has thrown cold water on romance. Thirteen percent feel it has stimulated arousal. Even the gloomiest, however, think romance is still rampant, feminism or not.
CAN WE HELP WHO WE FALL IN LOVE WITH?Sixty-three percent of us say "you betcha," and that you can direct and govern who you fall for.
DO YOU THINK GREAT SEX CAN TRIGGER LOVE?Men and women think differently here. Sixty-nine percent of women say if they didn't love their partner before sex, no matter how great it was, they won't love him after. But 46 percent of men say a magic sexual experience can induce emotional feelings that weren't apparent before--that people's behavior during sex says a lot about their character that would make them appealing, or disturbing. Indeed, 40 percent of men and 35 percent of women believe that great sex with their partners was instrumental in triggering the relationship.
DO THE WORDS "NICE" OR "SWEET" TURN YOU OFF?Nice and sweet are not the words we want to hear. More than two times as many people (41 percent vs. 16 percent) translate them as "boring" and "wimpy" and dial down the subject's sexual allure. The rest view the words as neutral.
HOW MUCH DOES FALLING IN LOVE AFFECT HAPPINESS?Big surprise: it does a lot mor...
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Good source for quirky statistics
By Top 10 Books
I would recommend this book to people who frequently make speeches, toasts, write lifestyle articles for periodicals or are simply curious as to what intimate behaviors have been measured and rated.
The book's collection of statistics range from the off the wall (6% of marriage proposals are delivered over the phone) to the obvious ( 95% of people have suffered heartache) and to the shocking (82% of women would rather receive a mushy love letter than diamond earrings). These fun and insightful facts are perfect little gems that will spice up any lecture or, at the very least, make for great cocktail chatter.
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